GBN Quorum

John Stewart has joined us in Austin, TX. Aptly, it is a Tuesday. However, we are drinking shitty beers... so it's a GBN in spirit more than practice.

But GBN was always more about the spirit, no?

I miss the rest of you. Looking forward to the weekend when Carolina and Tamara will be joining us for many rounds of All Hands on Deck and more.

This High Life's for all y'all.

GBN Reunion... Fo' Realsies

Carolina of the Van Horn clan will be joining us in Austin over Easter weekend. Folks should fly/drive/run in from miles around to join us for epic feasts of chocolate eggs and bunny rabbits, and great pints of the finest ales. I'm specifically eyeballing the folks in our near(ish) proximity: Tamara and Stew.

What better way to celebrate the Spring Fertility festival ( Passover for all you Jewish-types) than with good friends and brew?

Make it happen.

Google, I Take Back Everything Good I Said About You

Google Autocomplete is the Best Thing Ever

So you know how when you're typing something into Google, after a few letters/words it pops up with a list of suggestions? Sometimes it's kind of helpful, even useful, but the main benefit is that you get a (terrifying) insight into the soul of the masses.

Here's what you do. Type the phrase "can you" into the Google search engine, then a space, then a random letter. See what pops up. What you get is a list of questions. What blows my mind is that these are the most searched questioned. Thousands of people, maybe millions, have typed out these questions into Google feeling anything from random curiosity to desperate need. Well.

"Can you actually" generates these:

Can you actually curve a bullet - No. Can you actually pass a high school physics class?

Can you actually die of boredom - This one I understand. I can imagine staring at the Google search page for 10 minutes, weeping, then just throwing it out there. I am not surprised that this makes the list.

Can you actually make money taking surveys - Jesus.

Can you actually see russia from alaska - Was Sarah Palin actually that popular? Why? I mean, George Bush was an easy target too, and haven't we pretty much forgotten about that guy?

Can you actually grow taller - There are some desperate, desperate short people out there doing the internet equivalent of throwing a penny into a fountain. Dear Internet Fairy...

Can you actually die of a broken heart - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yes, this is just good horse sense. I know when I'm feeling a little blue, the thing I turn to for comfort is THE MOTHERFUCKING INTERNET.

Can you actually tip a cow - This one is a head-scratcher. Doesn't this seem like kind of a specific question for it to be so popular? I mean there's no reason to be curious about this unless you're trying to test it out, and the Venn diagram for "people who tip cows" and "people who have access to the Internet" seems like it would have a small center.

Bonus round: Typing "can you" and then a random letter. Try the letter G.

Can you get pregnant on your period - OK, this seems reasonable. That's something you might want to double-check.

Can you get pregnant from pre sperm - Um. OK, is that really...?

Can you get pregnant on birth control - Hang on, that's not... seriously?

Can you get pregnant from being fingered - You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Christmas

Well, it's Christmas Eve and I'm back here in the Northwest for a few days. I randomly bumped into Emily Tomita in an Olympia coffee shop yesterday, and catching up with an old Whitman friend made me feel all nostalgic. I miss the hell out of all of you and I want to know what's new with everyone. Merry Christmas to some, happy belated Hanukkah to others, and festivus cheers for the rest of you.

Two Friends

Well, well, boys and girls, it appears as though Todd (for all of this girlfriend talk) has been spending a lot of time drinking in front of a computer monitor.

That is a recipe for a computer full of viruses.

I wanted to take this opportunity to announce the opening of the micro-est of microbreweries:

Two Friends Brewery was started in 2009 by one person in his now-estranged roommates' closet. In early-November of 2009, the entire brewing operation was moved from that closet to a communal closet because someone wanted to live in the (now-defunct) brewery.
With the change of scenery, Two Friends brewmaster released his first ever beer-that-doesn't-suck.

"Big, Sloppy Belgian" is a classic Belgian strong ale: a malt-forward dark ale with a pleasant sweetness and notes of licorice and darker fruits is shaded by an eggshell-white head and contains enough alcohol to lower the inhibitions of even the most guarded 18-year-old.

BSB is only available on-tap at Adam, Mike and Kevin's apartment. (You will have to move the cookbooks if you want to pour yourself a glass.)

Friend-of-the-brewery and artist-in-non-residence, Haas, is mocking up the brewery's logo. Merchandise (including t-shirts, full-zip hoodies, glassware and personalized autographed 8x10 glossies) are available by mail-order.

Please etch the item you would like and your size (if clothing) and gender/measurements (if glossies) on the underside of a LG 55-inch 1080p Backlit LCD HDTV and send to Seattle, WA. Please include $5.75 for shipping and handling.

Two Friends will be having monthly releases of its new line of product, including seasonals. Look forward to our upcoming signature Pale Ale "Knapped in the Closet: An American Ale-gory" and our "Tap It, Don't Whack It" Chocolate-Orange Porter.

Tastings will be held every night that it gets dark before 4 pm in front of the brewmaster's virus-infected computer.

Friends-of-the-brewery are always welcome to visit. Fun is mandatory; clothing, optional.

Winter Seasonals and a pleasant surprise.

So, I know I haven't had to say to much about beer in the last 6 months, but I had several occurances last night that I feel obligated to report:

First, Jubelale 2009 is back and better than ever. I'm predicted that this will be the Winter Ale of the year. It's much smoother and not nearly as offensive as it's predecessors. That is, you'll actually want to drink more than one of these at a time. It kind of has a hint of the Snow Plow of yore in it as well. Highly Recommended.


Second, the world of beer is changing before our eyes: Moose Drool and Fat Tire now comes in cans, Budweiser makes a Hefe, and it seems harder and harder to find legitimate "Microbrews."

Good beer in cans, to me, is a good thing. Now I don't have to drink Cole Smead's piss when I'm camping or hiking. Cans around going to make the hung-over pack out much easier. They're also easier to recycle. As Indy Z put it, "Victory!"

I know we all scoff at Bud's attempts to appeal to a market with a finer pallet, but what if they make something that actually tastes good? Given, it's unlikely, but that would really fuck with my beerality if it happened.

Lastly, it seems like the growing microbrew industry is it's own worst enemy. How can Widmer, Belgium, Pyramid, and Alaskan still qualify as microbrews when they produce millions of gallons a year? My only hope is that they don't sacrifice quality for market share as they grow from a nationwide into a global product. Thoughts?